Its amazing to me how you can spend 8 months of your life with someone and still the biggest details of their life u have no idea about. He sleeps beside me everynight, when he wakes up in the morning i have his clothes laying out for him i wake him up my kissing his back and whispering i love you. He goes to work talks to me all day comes home to me everynight and we start over again. Somehow, somewhere along the line he's missed the big picture.
This is the person that i say i love you to non-stop and he says it back. This is the guy that brought me home a single longstemmed red rose today. This is the man i cooked dinner for that ignored me and texted on his phone the intire night. This is the man who says even tho im not getting any attention we are spending time together. the one that said "its not like im out on the town away from you im sitting right beside you."
If he knew me then he would know, Im not with him because he buys me things. Im not with him because i want him to do everything in this world for me...
If he knew me, he would know its not the sex that gets me off. Its the kissing the looking deep in my eyes and telling me he loves me, the passion. The hunger and the want. Its not the hey baby go get a dvd out of the closet. I want someone thats going to lay it all out on the line, someone who is going to strip me of everything and give me everything at the same time. To be honest i feel like... I feel like a toy. Like the blow up betty doll in the closet that is brought out when he wants to fuck but has nothing else.
Maybe if he had been with me a year or two ago i would have been the slut that wanted just sex and money. But im not. All i am now is a girl who wants someone to hold me and love me and be there for me.. Not just be in the room.
I just had to let this out yanno. I know its personal but its hard to talk to anyone up here.. i feel like such a loner.
=[
"i dont want to be your pornstar, i want to be the love of your life!" -amanda coryell
p.s. I guess somewhere along the lines when he was busy cheating on me.. he missed this BIG part of our relationship.
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